It seems impossible.

And yet.

It is true.

I already said the very best words I have for you and I still mean every single one of them. So today, instead, let me share this:
a moment with my son in the summer of 2000 when this song played over and over and over…


“Mama…why it’s a good idea to break a promise to your mother?”

it’s not.

“Then why he say it?”

it’s just a song, baby.

“Mama…where I am going?”

now that’s a better question, but I don’t know the answer.

“Why you not let me go?”

Because I can’t yet. I won’t ever, really.

No. Not completely. I’ll never let you go.

Until whatever’s longer than forever.



This entry was posted in Life
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36 thoughts on “Fifteen

  1. We had a birthday here too. We are facing the same milestone next fall. Holding my breath for high school – and I don’t want to let go.

  2. Oh my goodness. FIFTEEN. Happy birthday to your boy….man? And deep breaths and wine to you.

  3. Happy 15th anniversary of becoming a mom, Julie.

    Fifteen. How is that possible?

    Hugs to you today, my friend. And letting go? Not possible. He’s still that baby in the first picture, right?


  4. What great sentiment, Julie.

  5. Cinderella turns fifteen in August and it’s killing me. She’s been my best girl since she was four and her mom and I are so different, I wish I had her here with us full time to help guide her through it all.

    I know Sally Brown (who is 4 1/2) will be 15 before I know it. I’ve seen how fast it all goes by.

  6. Di

    There is nothing longer than forever so he will always be yours. Happy Birthday Jack…we love you today as we did then! XXXOOO

  7. NannyK

    Happy happy birthday to our AWESOME nephew!! And cheers to his beautiful mother 🙂

  8. ‘Cause when you’re fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
    You’re gonna believe them
    And when you’re fifteen
    Feeling like there nothing to figure out
    Well count to ten, take it in
    This is life before you know who you’re gonna be

    Oops, that’s a totally different song altogether! But yes, all of the ages seem weird to me (I can’t believe my baby is __) But 15?! 15?! How is it possible? There are days when I still feel 15 (or maybe 22) myself.

    Congrats Mama! And welcome (back) to high school! xoxo

  9. You are such a great mom. And person. And friend. So many people are so lucky to have you!

  10. Oh. Fifteen. Happy birthday to him and to you, too, since it is the anniversary of this whole journey for you 🙂

    Something comforts me knowing I am always going to feel like they are my babies, and I’m glad to see it just continues to feel that way.

    I don’t know where he’s going either, but I know it will be amazing because he has such a wonderful family.

  11. kim

    so so so sweet. happy birthday, jack!

  12. You people all keep saying that these kids get older, but mine aren’t getting older fast enough. And I’m aware I will probably regret that statement, most likely sooner than later.

  13. Mel

    So very sweet. What a wonderful note.

  14. Lovely, J, lovely.

    On the morning of my 15th birthday, I knocked my bottom teeth mostly out in a rough basketball scrimmage. Yup. That was me.

    Happy “Birth” day to you, my friend!

  15. Sweet and sentimental, but not overly so–perfect for 15.

  16. Oh, I hope I still remember the conversations we have now.

    Because he’ll be fifteen when I wake up in the morning, huh?

    Happy birth day to both of you.

  17. today yours turns 15.
    tomorrow mine turns 3.

    happy BIRTH days to us.

    And happy BIRTHDAY to Jack.

    Also…this conversation you had here? This is why I blog.

    To remember when he was just turning 3.

    Because one day, without my permission at all, he will go ahead and be 15.

  18. *sniff*

    He looks so grown up, Julie.

    Wait – he IS.


    Happy Birthday, Jack! Thank you for making your mom a Mother. She is awesome.

  19. This is so sweet. It happens even when we don’t want it to…boom…grown and gone. I know he will always be yours though. You are unforgettable. xoxo

  20. What a job you have done and he has done with you. I’ve always believed that we are given the precise child we need and that, in response, needs us.

    Second, how can he be 15 when you are only 29? Odd.

  21. Beautiful. I have happy tears. You sure know how to put into words, the feelings I have for my own sons. How do you do that? Amazing. Happy 15th birthday to your son and to you.

  22. Oh my heart is breaking because one day my kids will be fifteen. And oh I’m busting with pride because one day my kids will be fifteen.

    So here’s to you Mom – busting with pride and heart a’ breakin.

    And here’s to you kid – Happy Birthday. 🙂

  23. This post broke my heart, in the best way possible. 15?!? That’s amazing, but so normal, but so amazing at the same time. Happy Birthday to your gorgeous boy!

  24. Courtney

    Oh — J.C. — Fifteen!! It truly seems impossible. I have 4 months to go…

  25. Oh goosebumps and 15? Seems impossible doesn’t it. I have a few weeks left until 17. I feel like I should be 17. My heart.

  26. I’m still trying to keep the girl in THAT’S MY BABY mode.

    It doesn’t work.

    Happy Fifteen. To all of you.

  27. Happy birthday to your big 15 year old!

  28. Beautiful words, beautiful love.

    Happy birthday to your guy!

  29. liz

    Just like how I felt 5 was a BIG deal, I think 15 is, too.

    I ADORE the second photo of you two, staring at each other.

    Happy 15th to your sweet Jack.

  30. It kind of makes my heart hurt to read your posts like this, because I know fifteen isn’t so far away. I’m not ready for that, and as well I shouldn’t be, because we’re only at two.

    But still. I know it’s there, and it’s too much to think about just yet.

  31. Do not make me sob. Don’t. Dang it.

    Fifteen hurts mommies. Maybe every birthday hurts mommies. But the newest birthday always hurts more than the last. It’s a happy I’m-glad-you’re-growing-and-still-here sort of hurt that twists me up inside. And then you come along and have to make me bawl like a baby over it. Sheesh.

    Happy birthday to your baby, little Mama.

  32. Happy Birthday to Jack. Happy mothering to you. Such a sweet note about him.

  33. Happy birthday to Jack! He’s quite lucky to have such a wonderful mother 🙂

  34. Oh, the baby picture – how precious! And I love Third Eye Blind.
    Also, my babies won’t ever grow up to be 15. I’m pretty sure.

  35. Julie: I don’t know why I haven’t been getting notifications lately. Hmmm.

    But this is lovely.

    And I remember those most beautiful words from last year.

    Because they are. And the were. And they are again.

    Your son is so luck to have you for his Moom.

  36. *lucky* dagnabit

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